My Lord, My Seducer

Since I have packed up my life in California to take up the offer to be an intern at a Catholic non-profit miles away from home, the visibility of God's movement in my life has become absolutely surreal and even romantic.

I would particularly like to offer this piece of writing to the people in my life, both family and friends (old and new), who have been stepping stones in a flourishing garden of God's work for me.

I feel like it is necessary to lift up various people in my life that I am in awe and completely grateful for; therefore, this is all to say that when you find yourself in joyous thanksgiving praises...the Lord uses these moments to grow deeper in love with you, to romanticize you, to call you into His embrace and run life heart-first with you.

My dad and I flew to Michigan where my grandmother's house was, where she left a lot of her belongings behind after her passing. Being able to have a father revisit that house with me, to gather some belongings I knew would be resourceful for the new house I leased off campus, and to drive it down to Cincinnati has been very humbling.

Although saying goodbye to my dad for what will be 9 months until I return back to California in the spring, and although that drive dropping him off at the airport was one of the most heartbreaking moments of my life, and although every day I am away from my family and childhood friends back at the familiarity of my neighborhood, My Lord has found every single opportunity to weave His romantic love into these moments so as to sooth me to peace.

It is undeniable the change I have and will continue to experience in the upcoming year, but all my mind can really think now is how the moment I sense doubt, fear, anxiety, or sadness creep into what are amazing opportunities and life-transforming experiences, I know that these long-awaited desires interning at an organization that brings fulfillment and purpose into my life are invitations that Jesus offers for me to love Him better, love Him deeper, and love Him with that same deep passion butterflies give you in the pit of your stomach.

Strange, I know, to compare the Lord's love in an erotic and passionate filled way. But honestly, that risk-taking, nerve-racking, heart beating fast feeling with the Lord is the same love that wooed me to fall to my knees before His Cross and draw ever closer to Him. It is merely impossible to turn away from.

We are called to seek after this romantic love with Jesus. He is designed to do this moment after waking moment with us. I see Him wooing me when He reassures me that I will be okay in the grocery store even though I internally freak myself out thinking I am going to be a horrible cook, or when I walk into those doors at work and see all around me Catholic driven and prayerful people, I see Him seducing me before the Eucharist in daily mass, in Confession with the priest, and before Adoration. I see Jesus romanticizing with me through the offering of prayer intentions of other people for other people, I see myself falling deeper in love with Christ when I find myself dying to my own pride, saying yes to the Lord's plans instead of mine, and most prominently, I see Jesus holding my hand and running away with me when I have my traffic-filled car ride back with my co-worker interns and find ourselves opening ourselves up to each other in the most awe-inspiring ways.

But what strikes me to be most beautiful above all is not necessarily these "things" God has just handed over or freely gives to me, no.

In fact, it takes saying "no" to Jesus, being ignorant to His most glorious plans for us, to confidently and certainly desiring to return back to His embrace to just surrender and say our bold "yes!" And I am the first to admit I do this often, I deny the wonders of God's erotic love for me foolishly thinking that the way I have mapped out in my own thoughts are clearly far better.

You see, the beauty in God's erotic love lies when we don't just believe that when we "find" God for a fleeting moment we are done searching. One of my co-worker interns reminded me of this very thing. She continued by stating we at times even believe, "once we learn to trust God, we will always trust. But it doesn't work like that and that's the beauty of faith. When we think our relationship with God is perfect and doesn't need any work, He will throw a humbling moment our way that brings us to our knees and we learn to trust time and time again all over and it's just as beautiful every time."

My Lord, My Seducer,

You alone have far better and more fruitful plans.

You alone bring me to my knees in constant awe.

You alone are love.

I give thanks and praise for the big and small moments, especially in the past week, that have transformed me.

Thank you mom and dad for letting me go, so I could begin a new chapter with Christ.

Thank you Grandma Liz for answering the voice of the Lord to bring me to this place of my life.

Thank you Katherine and Katie for calling me to a more holy life in prayers, thoughts, words, and deeds (and just being epically awesome...my ENFJ'rs lol).

Thank you Holy Spirit for the motions of your presence.

Thank you.

May Our Lord be just as giddy by us through our self-offering and outpouring trust in Him!

May we draw ever closer to Him, and let's run Jesus. (Song of Solomon 1:4)

#MyLord #MySeducer #gratitude #thanksgiving #KatherinePlucinsky #KatieArndorfer