"Stand your ground and see the victory the Lord will win for you today" (Exodus 14:13).
Goodbyes, Mission Trips & New Beginnings
Bonnie and I returned to our home in the jungle after our time in Mexico City for our Summit retreat with other missionaries as well as saying goodbye to our teammate Lauren who has returned to the States for a time of healing for the rest of the year (continue to pray for her please!).
We entered fully as our feet hit the ground leading two mission trips. As soon as the trips ended, the reality of what mission life really looks like and feels like kicked in. A normal schedule full of ministries would be beginning. The chapter I was always yearning for is finally here. The call to sit down as a team of two, map out what communities we want to visit weekly, hike to, and celebrate Communion Services with, as well as penciling in studying Spanish, working on playing the drums, and other opportunities to ride-along with Padre and share adventures with him, all suddenly were right in front of us.
However, implementing this day-in / day-out schedule cannot begin for another week or so as we are transitioning, trying to resettle and various events with Padre coming up. Most days it feels like we haven't been doing anything, even though I know that's furthest from the truth. The first couple of weeks I would come to morning prayer begging the Lord to make His plan for us clear for the remainder of this year. "Lord, what communities do you desire for us to visit weekly? Every community has needs, Lord, and there are about 60 of them! Jesus, it's too much of an undertaking. I beg for an open door."
Begging for a Victory
Simultaneously in this time I would try and practice my Spanish to the best of my abilities; studying the book (in Spanish) that guides extraordinary ministries in the Church how to celebrate Communion Services as well as write out short reflections I could give in place of a priest's homily. It has been clear from the Lord that He desires more Communion Services to be held where we live because of the shortage of priests and Jesus' burning desire to give Himself to His people here in the jungle.
"Do not fear! Stand your ground and see the victory the Lord will win for you today" (Exodus 14:13). This verse in the Book of Exodus jumped out from the pages of the Bible. I had been thinking about all the glorious works God had done for the Israelites in leading them out of the hands of slavery in Egypt. The Israelites in their brokenness and lack of trust complained to Moses that God could not be near if it meant Him leading them into the unknown and battle. And Moses responded with these very words. My heart knew the Lord was going to do something very soon and it made me nervous to the bone. It's made me want to run under a rock and hide under it forever. It scares me knowing that the time is now to be His vessel - to get up publicly in front of people and speak Spanish, while stumbling over pronunciation and fighting off every temptation of discouragement. "Kellie, my daughter and warrior, you have nothing to be afraid of. Just stand firm in faithfulness and trust that I am going to win victories for you. Watch me be victorious." This echoed within me and I was left that morning terrified, yet in wonder.
Loss & Discovery
On the Feast Day of Mary Magdalene celebrated in the Catholic Church, July 22nd, I entered into prayer time continuing to beg the Lord for courage to serve, to celebrate a Communion Service with, and a direction for us to invest. I was struck by the readings of the day (and have always had a love for St. Mary Magdalene) because I resonated with her journey as a missionary. Oftentimes I've reflected with that same Gospel reading of her sitting outside the empty tomb of Jesus weeping, waiting, and wondering what the heck is going on and where the Lord is in her life. I resonate with her confusion in the Lord's plan for her and the real loss she experienced that day believing that the lover of her soul, Jesus, had left her in emptiness and loneliness after His death.
The first readings from Song of Songs truly struck me all the more. "Let me seek him whom my soul loves. I sought him but I did not find him...when I found him whom my soul loves, I held him and would not let go," (Song of Songs 3:2 & 4). All made sense to me, the life of every soul is painted with hills and valleys of loss and discovery. Mary Magdalene lost everything, so she thought that day...the person of Jesus. Yet, when Jesus appears to her resurrected outside His tomb and calls her by name "Mary, Mary," and she realizes it's Him, it becomes clear she lost nothing that day, rather, she discovered everything. She discovered an eternal life with Jesus.
Ella No Perdió Nada (She Did Not Lose Anything)
Before too long I found myself writing a short reflection about this down in my Spanish journal without understanding why it seemed so urgent to do so. Almost on queue and perfectly timed, someone was at our door knocking. I opened our door to find our neighbor's daughter, Lizbeth, sharing news with us that a 70-year-old woman named Amalia in our community (who actually lives right near us) had died. She had family from the Coast and from all over coming in the evening to mourn and pray. Bonnie and I made our way over to their home to find Amalia lying on her bed, arms crossed over her chest with a crucifix in her hands, and a candle peacefully dancing at the head of her bed.
I blessed Amalia's forehead with Holy Water as Bonnie read the readings for the day, the ones about Mary Magdalene. We stayed by her bedside for some time and then left being invited by various family and friends in the community to stick around for all the services and celebrations. Bonnie and I both knew this was the very opportunity God had handpicked and called us to enter into and to be as bold as to initiate a Communion Service for this family, our very first one. Although I thought the Lord desired it to be that very same day, it wasn't. Instead, we sat around Amalia's body for four hours (which was placed on a table and eventually put into the casket).
That night we learned about the Ecuadorian tradition of funerals. Family from all over is notified, people travel to come, and people set up chairs around the body to spend time together as a family, play games, eat, and pray together until the cemetery burial which usually takes up to 3 or 4 days. We witnessed people come in waves from 7-11 pm that evening, but my nervousness of initiating a Communion Service in front of all those people got the best of me that night.
Ella Descubrió su Vida, una Vida Eterna con Dios (She Discovered Her Life, an Eternal Life with God)
We woke up the next morning unable to shake the thought that we should've celebrated a Communion Service for them. Our second day with the family, Bonnie and I first prayed over one another as a team against the enemy and graces for the Lord's courage, and boldly that afternoon asked if the family would be interested in a Communion Service. Joyfully, they accepted. The Lord won a victory not only over us as a team that day to grow in courage and serve, but also for this family to receive His Body that afternoon. With Amalia in her casket behind us, I was shaking with every page turned of the book and the thought of a lot of pressure in front of us, I began to sweat giving my reflection, and all was obvious (haha!). But all is minute and all is a drop in the ocean in comparison to what truly mattered that day...that Jesus could enter into the precious mouths of this family and heal every inch of their beings - in mourning and in discovering their worth in Him.
They clapped for us, thanked us, and invited us to sit down and share in company with them over bread and Coke. The following conversations I hadn't laughed and joked so much in Spanish before and it truly ignited a fire of love in my heart for our people in La Florida.
"Do A Prayer"
The third day with the family was the burial. As per usual, we were very humbled yet again in our Spanish that day because when we arrived to the cemetery everyone seemed to be waiting for us (even though we could've sworn everything started at 1 pm). Milton, our next-door-neighbor, asked us where we were. Milton's mom, a Catholic charismatic involved parishioner who also is unrelated to the family of Amalia, signaled us over closer to the casket. She firmly requested, "Do a prayer." I told her I could pray the Rosary if she would help alongside me. I was so nervous I jumped straight into the Hail Mary's, but Milton's mother helped carry the friends and family to respond in prayer. After, multiple women were handing us flowers to use to dip water and use to bless the casket with.
Bonnie gracefully took hold of the water, circling the casket and blessing every side of it. The men hoisted the casket in the cement covering right after and as we watched the family by hand cement the rest of the casket closed, family and friends began to weep in pain. As we waited for the family to enclose the grace, we were able to share with other friends from our community stories of loved ones that we too have lost. Some of these friends showed us graves of their family and friends.
Often I've been thinking, "Why did they want to wait for us to pray the Rosary? Surely they could've led it better in Spanish or it would have been more intimate for a family member to do it." Honestly, I myself cannot muster an answer to this mystery. What I know though is that we were participants to the intricacies of the family's pain these last few days in leading prayers, distributing Jesus, and holding family members in our arms. We are simply participants to the Holy Spirit's work around us, not the other way around. This is the beauty of Jesus alive here in Ecuador...Bonnie and I have only to stand our ground in faith and hope as we watch the Holy Spirit victoriously win souls for the Kingdom of God right before our eyes.
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"Brothers and sisters: The Love of Christ impels us, once we have come to the conviction that one died for all; therefore, all have died. He indeed died for all, so that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised. Consequently, from now on we regard no one according to the flesh; even if we once knew Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know him no longer. So whoever is in Christ is a new creation: the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come" (2 Corinthians 5:14-17).