The Sweetness of Finals (say what?!)

Looming within reach:

Finals. Study abroad forms. Finals. Ministry. Finals. Hard conversations. Finals. Saying goodbye. Finals. Home, but first...finals. Discernment, where are You? Finals. Advent. Finals. Babysitting. Finals. Reconciliation. Finals. I told myself I would, but finals.

So I stop myself, because if I don't I'll be exhausted and trodden over and fighting and fighting and how can I afford to lose that energy when...finals. How can I afford to waste time in worrying when there is a Lord waiting for me to wait in Him this Advent?

Engagement. Lately, all I know is that I need to want Him closer, to engage in His midst...to just be. To be healed by Him from my distractions, my iniquities, my short-comings, my wandering thoughts, all that does not serve me because essentially, I am not serving the One who first served me.

And I'll be the first to admit, I have stared blankly at walls in class and missed out on His graces for forgiveness in Reconciliation, and have lost myself in the chattering, and have re-found my place for a glimpse through His word, but lost it all over again when staying up until 3 a.m. in hopes of accomplishing some assignment or task. And lately finding myself emotional having to say goodbye for a year to the woman of Christ who holds me accountable and who's empathy is overflowing. Rachel. I'll miss her, the hairbrush strokes, our hour long conversations cuddled up and avoiding all responsibilities, every time she says "absolutely" or "for sure" or "great with an 8". She's irreplaceable and my best friend, so naturally, this is hard.

So everything's spinning isn't it? Everything has been hazy hasn't it?

When we are spinning and juggling and trodden over and barren, feeling like a prickly shrub in the depths of a desert doesn't seem too far off does it?

But the thing is, when nature takes its course, so do our bodies. And both face seasons. Some weeks we feel anew and refreshed in spring, but other times...just like the winter, things are naked and bleak. I'll always remember the face that looked at me telling me, "Just as seasons change, so does this time of our life."

And He has shed His blood out for me and His undying love, and I am reminded of my worth and gifts and strengths.

Winter surely comes, but eventually, it will surely leave too. Where I once was a barren wasteland, prickly shrubs and all...soon those pricks will fall and will bare life-pouring fruit.

And all I am asked to do to is to return to Him, says Hosea.

"Return, O Israel, to the Lord your God,

for you have stumbled because of your iniquity.

Take with you words

and return to the Lord;

say to him,

'Take away all iniquity;

accept what is good,

and we will pay with bulls

the vows of our lips.'

Assyria shall not save us;

we will not ride on horses;

and we will say no more, ‘Our God,’

to the work of our hands.

In you the orphan finds mercy."

(Hosea 14:1-3 ESV)

So I repeat the words that breathe life and grace and fulfillment in me, saying: "Return, O Kellie, to the Lord your God for you have stumbled because of your iniquity."

Once were the calves an offering and sacrifice, and so are my words with my lips. My petitions, my praises and worship, my offerings, thanksgiving, my cries...all of it.

Because the words we take with us are not for us. These degrees I study in college, those are not mine. All that I do is never just mine. Every class I attend is not for me, every word counted on my paper is an offering for something bigger and better than myself. These goodbyes, these finals, these meticulous emails, and the study abroad opportunities, all the seasons compiled into a single year unfold into a lifetime of graces for the Fatherless.

You see, all these things that weigh me down will one day be lifted from the pits of those who are thirsty for My Savior. Therefore, this Advent is that reminder in this preparation to fill the cup of others as I myself have not been filled to the brim just yet in His divine coming.

Summer is coming and aren't we all just anxious for it?

"I will heal their apostasy;

I will love them freely,

for my anger has turned from them

I will be like the dew to Israel;

he shall blossom like the lily;

he shall take root like the trees of Lebanon;

his shoots shall spread out;

his beauty shall be like the olive,

and his fragrance like Lebanon.

They shall return and dwell beneath my shadow;

they shall flourish like the grain;

they shall blossom like the vine;

their fame shall be like the wine of Lebanon."

(Hosea 14:4-7 ESV)

You see, when we return to the Lord, all our sweetness is restored. We are restored in His presence of sweet summer.

He restores our growth in refreshment like the dew, our beauty as we blossom like the lily, our strength as we take root, our value and worth like the olive, our delight in the splendor of our fragrance...and all will be abundant and all will be plentiful.

So dear fellow students,

Let finals be sweet this semester and take great splendor in them.

For we both know that these finals aren't yours, nor mine, and the glory that will come from them when all is said and done, is none other than that of the Lord's.

"Whoever is wise, let him understand these things;

whoever is discerning, let him know them;

for the ways of the Lord are right,

and the upright walk in them,

but transgressors stumble in them."

(Hosea 14:9 ESV)

For you are wiser than you think right now and are already sufficient because You call upon the Lord. Bask in the beams of this summer! Relish in the dew of His glory, and cling as best as you can to His relentless comfort!

#finalshadmelike #seamlessgrace